new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
