You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize