I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
