Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
