oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
