im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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