my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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