I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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