I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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