omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
