So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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