Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
