The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
