I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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