4 words: hood of his car
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
