He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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