It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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