Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
