I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
