We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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