I must be too annoying 4 u.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
