Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
