yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
