i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
