yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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