Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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