Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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