What a fucking waste of an outfit
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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