yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
