just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
