he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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