M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
