Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize