every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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