the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We need to get me chipped asap
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
