I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
