24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
