wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
