How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
