Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
