i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
