operation harelip BJ is a go
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
