About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
