May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
we're so committed to being not committed
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
