Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
