you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
