I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
