i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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