You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
