i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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