I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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