I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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