Duck Duck Cougar?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
