Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
