How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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