hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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