Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
