you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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