By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
