i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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