You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
