I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
