And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
