this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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