Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
