I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
