Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize