I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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