just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize