dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
