I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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