Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so that wasnt chicken after all
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think people are normalizing furries
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
