I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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