i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
