is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I can't turn off my feet"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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