Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
