things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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