if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
